I know a lot of people do this. They think that by putting themselves down and please others, people will think that they are a very nice person. But I am questioning the point that does this person become happier by being a nice person? The answer is probably ‘no’. Below i will give some examples to support my claim.

In love relationship, it is evident when a guy wants to break up with her girlfriend. He knows his girlfriend cannot live without him and will definitely hurts her alot if he says he wants a break up as he cannot tolerate her demanding behaviour. He dare not do it and suffers. He pleases her by not telling her this, not making her face the reality. He feels sad and gulity everytime he meets up with his girlfriend. He wants to be nice to her but not hurt her. Contradicting???

Not only in love relationship, this kind of things do happen in our daily lives.For example, there is this particular guy whom my friend and i hate alot. We cannot stand his actions, dressing and the way he speaks. He does things at the most inapporiate time. He hinders our work progress and is always thinking of squeezing out every little things that you can offer him. He is those kind of people who will take any advantage when he sees it possible. Irritating guy, isn’t it? How do you deal with this guy? I choose to tell him straight in the face (not criticizing but giving him information on how i find him to be) while my friend pleases him and tries to be nice to him. But at his back, she complained alot about him. She scolded me for being crude by saying means things to him.

Why do i choose to do things this way? I normally did this only when the person is starting to get onto my nerves. However, before i say anything straight into his face, i will hint him but if he still dont get it, i really will have to do it. Note: I am using choice theory. I am not criticizing him but giving him information on how i look at him. I do not scold him. If i scold him, this will spoil the relationship.

Why do you make yourself suffer when you dont like that person? Just tell him. It’s not always good to please others especially you dont feel good about it. One must knows that there is always a limit to such things. It is even worse if you try to be nice in front of the person and talk behind his back. Others will call you a two headed snake. You are damaging your reputation. I guess why people like to please others is because they don’t have a set of skills to deal with this kind of situation. They are afraid of damaging the relationship and embarrassment.

Therefore, my advice for the day is please others with a limit, dont put yourself down when you dont want to be nice and spoils your own reputation. However, do it in the choice theory way in order not to harm the relationship. In the following months to come, i will post up a choice theory site so that you will have a better understanding of what it is all about.